Singleness: Being One with God Pt. 2

I wanted to pick up where we left off on our journey, as we discussed singleness (I would highly recommend reading Singleness: Being One with God Pt. 1 to understand the full context of this conversation). There are a few other observations as it relates to marriage and singleness that I wanted to highlight using the story of Adam and Eve as a backdrop. On our last journey, we discussed how the desire to have a spouse is natural: and it is! When we study Genesis chapter one and chapter two, it is evident that God knew Adam needed a helper. God said, “…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18, KJV) And here’s the kicker: God called Adam alone even while He was surrounded by God and with animals! When Adam named the other creatures, he saw that all had a mate except for him. This goes to show that God will never cross the line with his relationship with us. God is not our spouse, and He will not seek to replace that space for human interaction in our lives. We also see that animals could not fill Adam’s need for a spouse. No dog, cat, bird, fish, reptile, or any other animal group or quantity thereof could ever replace the need for human interaction and connection and the same is true for us today! As God prepared to lead Adam to his spouse, we never see him complain and we never see him accuse God of being mean or trying to agonize him with the seeing the relationship others had (that the animals had with each other). Adam stayed quiet, believing that God could and would do the same thing for him. We are not called to be envious, jealous, or desperate because of the relationship of others, we are called to celebrate, support, and honor them joyously as they grow together in Christ, while we trust and believe that God will provide exactly who and what we need in our lives in due season.

#1 God already has an answer for all your questions! It is also interesting how God backtracks the process of Adam receiving his spouse in the book of Genesis. In the book of Genesis, the Word says, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” (Genesis 1:28, KJV). Although God gives this instruction to both Adam and Eve in chapter one, God doesn’t expresse the process of Adam and Eve finally coming together until Genesis, chapter two. This highlights the fact that God already has our end goal in mind, even though there is a process for you and I to get there. This goes for every area of our lives! Jesus is the lamb slain before the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8). God had already established Jesus as our Savior and saved us from our sin, but, He had to walk out the process of what He had already declared was finished! God’s Word will not return to Him void (See Isaiah 55:11). God is His Word (See John 1:1), and since He has always been, His Word has also been established before it was made known to us; before we were ever created! This means that God has an answer before you even have the question! Will you trust Him to bring your answer to pass in your life?

From Adam’s story, we learn that before God had even formed Adam, He had already declared “…Let Us make man…” (Genesis 1:26, KJV, Italics added). The Hebrew word used for man here speaks to human beings (See #3 in the Bilbliography). Human beings includes both male and female, female and male. This goes to say, that Adam’s spouse was already in God’s plan! Even while Adam was alone, God already had someone in store for Him! God knew He would reveal Eve to Adam even before Eve was brought to Adam tangibly. God took time to spend time with Adam and teach Him, and when the appointed time came, God gave him a helper for himself.

#2 Keep your eyes fixed on God! Another lesson we can glean from this story is that we are not called to meditate on a mate, we are called to meditate on the Word. The Bible says, “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” (Joshua 1:8, KJV). Because of Jesus, we can walk in the presence of God and experience the fullness of all the blessings He has in store for us both in heaven and on earth! God doesn’t want our spouse, children, or the thought of them to be our idol; He wants to be our God, all by Himself! He wants us to lay down our lives for Him. Jesus promises, “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” (Matthew 16:25, NLT).

#3 Marriage is not God! Something else to remember is that we must always keep marriage in perspective. Marriage is not a god and it is not meant to replace God in your life. Your spouse is not and will not be God and neither are you nor will you ever be! Your behavior and union will not be perfect, and they also won’t be God. We must realize that marriage is for earth. Jesus made it clear that marriage does not transcend this existence, become reincarnated, or continue in heaven. Jesus says, “For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.” (Matthew 22:30, KJV). Adam and Eve made this mistake of idolizing their union and failed to keep God first in their relationship long-term. Adam and Eve didn’t love God more than they loved each other! When Eve was deceived by satan and partook of the fruit, the Bible says this, “…she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.” (Genesis 3:9, KJV). Adam had been commanded by God not to eat of the fruit, yet out of the love for his wife, he was willing to betray God and His command! This is not a statement to castigate men or women, women or men. Adam and Eve both knew better than to listen to the serpent; the devil — satan. Eve knew the voice of God and she knew not to the eat the fruit, although she added to God’s command saying that they couldn’t touch it saying, “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’” (Genesis 3:3, NLT, italics added). This statement added to the ease of her deception and, “…she took some of the fruit and ate it.” (Genesis 3:6, NLT). But this all goes to prove that she couldn’t have repeated part of the command of God, if she hadn’t known it! From this, we understand the danger of adding to God’s commands and how that could lead us into doing the very thing we were commanded not to do, but, that’s a story for another day. Not only that, “…Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.” (Genesis 3;6, NLT)! Surely, Adam and Eve decided that they would rather spend their lives together in disobedience than to obey God. Their example of a couple having distorted affection for one another shows you and I what marriage is never supposed to look like. Marriage and the fruit of marriage is meant to further a godly legacy (including children and the projects you complete as a unit). Marriage is never supposed to replace God; it is in place to further God’s agenda. God made Eve a helper for Adam (See Genesis 2:18). Eve was called to help Adam serve God. Adam was never called to be led by Eve or to be complicit with sin entering his life through following her example and being tempted by her. They were never meant to make each other bigger and more important than God! Even the covenant of marriage is called to help further the oneness each other has with God and help each other submit to and complete the Father’s will! Marriage is not the epicenter of God’s plan for the believer, rather, it is a continuum of submission to God and a continuum of completing His perfect will for your luves as you both seek to bring heaven down on earth together (Matthew 6:10)!

It is evident, that oftentimes, as humans, we want something we can feel. You may complain that “God is not Enough!” or “Why would I serve a God I can’t even see!” or “I wish I had someone real to talk to!” But, God is the most real thing there is. God created everything that can be seen tangibly from what we cannot see tangibly; His Word (Hebrews 11:3)! The Word works and it is time that we work it through our time, lifestyle, behavior, and daily relationship and communication with God. Again, God will not replace human interaction or be your spouse, but, you must also be settled in the fact that God reigns over all and loves you more than you or anyone else ever could! God says, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”” (Revelation 22:13, NLT). He also says, “I am the LORD; there is no other God. I have equipped you for battle, though you don’t even know me,” (Isaiah 45:6, NLT). No one will ever replace God in your life; God has already equipped you with all you need for the battle. Now it’s time for you to take the time to know Him!

#4 Oneness is not just about sex! All who accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior are one with God, first. The oneness that God created for Adam and Eve was the oneness that they had in Him, because they were both made in the image of God and shared in God’s Spirit; that was what connected them! Another point I want to make is that that the oneness they experienced as husband and wife was not limited to just sexual intercourse. Sex was not the only way Adam and Eve experienced oneness. Adam and Eve did not evem experience sexual intercourse in their marriage until after the fall (See Genesis 4), but, they were one before the fall and before having sexual intercourse. Adam declared after Eve was taken from his side and God presented her to him, ““At last!”…“This one is bone from my bone,  and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:23-24, NLT, Italics added). Eve was bone from Adam’s bone and flesh from his flesh: they were one! “What made them one?” you might ask. It was their stabilization in who they were in God and their decision to serve and submit to God together; their spirits and goals were one! It was the oneness they shared in God that united them and was strengthed and confirmed through the sexuality! Does their oneness of spirit mean that sex is not a part of oneness in marriage? Of course not! Sex is a sacred act that is meant only to be used in the context between one man and one woman in marriage. The Bible says, “…don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”” (1 Corinthians 6:16, NLT). God values your body, he purchased every part of you (your spirit, soul, and body) with the blood of His dear Son (See 1 Corinthians 6:17-20). God cares for your body! You are worth the price of Jesus’ blood! God does not wish that we save our virginity to be shared in the context of our marriage between one man and woman to restrict us, but, to bless and protect us. God already made it clear that we are one with Him when we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior (See 1 Corinthians 6:17). In fact, God makes this known, right after he encourages us not to give our bodies to prostitutes or just “any old body” in the verse above. God does not want your spirit to be joined with any spirit before marriage. He wants you to marry the person He has for you and does not want you to connect your spirit with any other spirit(s) or demonic influences which do not come from Him. Herein lies “soul-ties”.

  Satan wants your spirit to be diluted and contaminated by his nature or attachment in any way he can, and he will try and use the seduction of sex against you to do it! Satan doesn’t your spirit and God’s spirit to be one by themselves. He wants to infect your spirit with as many little “ones” as he can as well. Simply put, sex is for marriage. Does this mean that God does not love us if we fall short! Of course not! God will renew our minds and restore our souls if we allow Him to even if we fall! But, He has made it clear that His path is the best path for everyone! Saving our virginity for marriage isn’t just for women and it isn’t just for men! Virginity is not some despised curse that is meant to shed off as soon as possible as the world would try to have you think. It is a gift to God, first, and meant to be cherished between one husband and wife. If you are single and still a virgin, continue to serve God with your body. And even if you have fallen short of God’s glorious standard you can get back on the right track. God loves us all no matter what we do, but, He still wants us to live a lifestyle that reflects His holiness for His glory and our benefit. He only wants what’s best for you! Satan always wants to make God’s protection seem like a barrier just like he did with Eve and God’s command to eat the fruit in the garden (just think of how life would be if Eve would have refused her fleshly appetite and the peer-pressure she experienced from the devil’s lies and seeming “logic” to cause her to betray God’s commands). The enemy wants to you believe that a loss is actually win. Seeking to “conqueror”, lure, arouse, or seduce someone into having pre-marital sex with you is not a win. In fact, it is a loss. This is true for both women and men, men and women. Satan wants to fool everyone into fantasy and wants to use the false sense of temporary (and inferior) gratification that stem from sin to hurt everyone no matter their race, age,whether they are male or female, or their background. Jesus says, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” (John 10:10, NLT). So, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, NLT). God loves you and wants the best for you! You are never too late to serve Him! He is here to restore you however and whenever you need it. Repent (change your mind) and turn to God! God encourages those who have fallen into sexual sin and those who have not (maybe even as obviously) to stay on His path! The Bible says, “ Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10, NLT). And the Bible also says, “Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11, NLT). You don’t have to try and seduce people by the way you look or what you wear, take on an alternative persona or lifestyle, or anything else; that’s not God’s best! You don’t have to be wowed by physical beauty or idolize your own; that’s not God’s best. God’s best for you is being one with Him as He leads you to just the right person you need to help you grow as a person in Christ and serve God while you love each other like Christ and spend time together on this earth. Wait on the Lord (See Isaiah 40:31).

The Bible encourages us to, “…not to awaken love until the time is right.” (Song of Solomon 8:4, NLT). The King James Version of the verse says, “…until he please.”  As it pertains to our discussion, This “He” is God. This verse encourages us to save our virginity for marriage, but, also to cherish our singleness. When the time is right, God will grant you your desire in the appointed season and you or I can’t rush that, we must trust that!

  Sex is a way a husband and wife share oneness, but, it is not the only way. Sex is definitely a part of God’s design for a married man and woman, but, it will take more than just a physical display of oneness to create unity. Marriage is about being of one purpose, mind, and vision as you walk in God’s will for your lives. The Bible says, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.” (Psalm 133, KJV). This brethren is not speaking just to males or male siblings; it is talking about children of God. The Bible explains that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church (See Ephesians 5:23). But God is the head of both of you (See 1 Corinthians 11:3)! The first principle mentioned from Ephesians chapter five is not meant for a husband’s abuse or a woman’s rebellion. This metaphor of Christ and the church is meant to mirror just that — Christ and the church! The husband must love and protect his wife like Jesus, while the wife is loyalty to him, loving him in return as she respects his headship. A husband’s headship is not domination, it is actually a loving covering of protection. Likewise, a wife is not meant to be an unfaithful, rebellious, spiritually promiscuous and mentally “adultrous” bride. The woman must be a guard rail for her home and mutally love and protect her husband in her role as well. “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” (Proverbs 14:1, KJV). The husband is the head that the oil is running down from and it is important for the both of you to be in God’s flow; in alignment with God and each other for the oil to fall on you because you are standing under God’s order! God’s vision of marriage takes alignment with God within yourselves as individuals for you to fully be on the same page: God’s page! There is no doubt that God created sex to connect a husband and wife as one, but, it is important to remember that lifestyle and behavioral decisions will keep you as one. It is important to stay in alignment with God, because if you both individually focus on being in alignment with Him for yourselves then your relationship with follow suit. It is not about controlling or monitoring one another’s behavior. It is about serving God for ourselves and that goes for every area of our lives! Marital Love is not to be based on just the sexual and emotional; it is meant to stem from God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Human love is not enough; God’s love is! Walking in the Spirit produces God’s love. We are called to love God, love ourselves, and love our neighbor as we love ourselves (See Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:30-31) and this is both a concurrent act as we love ourselves and based on how God has commanded us to love ourselves . Only walking in the Spirit, spending time with God, and becoming who He has already said you are can produce this love. After all, “If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” (1 John 4:20, NLT). Despite what you’ve been through, you can choose to love Jesus and love like Jesus because He loved you first (See 1 John 4:19). And His love never fails (See Romans 8:37-39, 1 Corinthians 13:8). The Bible says that, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NLT). But, we cannot produce this love by ourselves! “…God is love.” (1 John 4:8, NLT) and we need to walk like Him (in the Spirit) to walk in love. This love is God’s love towards us and the love that we are called to display to the best of our ability (to ourselves and everyone,which includes our spouses) as we yield to the Holy Spirit and allow our thoughts to focus on Him and our lives to resemble his nature through our concrete decision-making, daily! This, my friends, is true love.

#5 Be one with God, first! The truth is, being one with God is the very way you attract your spouse! This is how you can walk in God’s perfect will and not His permissive will in singleness and in your relationship! When you are whole and one with God and who you are in Him, you attract what God has for you. The Bible says that, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22, KJV). First of all, the scripture is clear to say that he who finds a “wife” finds a good thing. Not a girlfriend, not a “chick”, not a female, but a wife. This means it is the man’s responsibility to have the mindset and oneness with God He needs to find his wife and that the woman must already be displaying her wifely qualities before marriage. It is you and your spouse’s job as individuals to make sure that your behavior fits the profile for what God needs you both to be and to find. Another thing to take from the Scripture above in Proverbs is that the wife should not be stagnant, waiting to be found, and neither should the husband be obsessed with the pursuit! As you both actively seek God in your singleness and walk in His will for your life, you will automatically cross paths because YOU’RE IN HIS WILL! This is alignment. This is how you get in God’s flow: submitting and obeying Him daily as you humbly walk out His will in your life now. You must serve God and build your character so that when you do meet your spouse, you are the person they are looking for and you know that they are what you’re looking for when you see them. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” (Genesis 2:23, NLT). Adam knew his spouse when he saw her, but, like Adam, meeting our spouses, this takes preparation. It also takes practicing on walking in godly character in your life, daily. Jesus says, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” (Luke 9:23 NLT). You must have a pure, no “smoke and mirrors”, self-assessment of yourself and acknowledge your good, bad, and ugly to be all God has called you to be! God is not seeking to destroy you, likewise He will never leave you blind to yourself! Once the Holy Spirit shows you where you need to change, your job is to change as the Holy Spirit helps you and as you make better decisions. Changing includes praying to God, writing out your vision, and confessing Scripture over the godly character qualities that you want to have (speaking them into your life) daily as this behavior grows and becomes natural in your life. All of life begins and ends with God whether you’re married or single. God has the final say and He loves, supports, and encourages you daily even if He is using you to exihibt loe, support, and ecncourage to yourself! As we think about marriage, know that your value is not in them, but, is found in Christ alone. It is not about pleasing them, it is about pleasing Him and it always will be. Submit to God in gladness!

The Bible also describes oneness in the book of Ecclesiastes and how human connection is important. In chapter four, the writer, King Solomon says, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, KJV). This Scripture not only confirms the need for human interaction, but, it also identifies that God needs to be in the middle of you and your spouse’s relationship. A true, divine threefold cord should be viewed as God, you, and them! The only way this cord can be broken is if you, them, or the both of you fail to see things God’s way, follow Him, and keep Him first and before all in your life.

#6 Singelness is a blessing, too! Like Paul alluded to in First Corinthians ,chapter seven, singleness gives you more time to work for God without any other concerns. Am I saying marriage is dishonorable? That’s not what the Bible says. The Bible says, “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” (Hebrews 13:4, NLT). Marriage is an honorable thing and should be respected, however, marriage is not called to be a distraction from doing God’s will. It should further God’s will as you help build His kingdom and bring heaven down on earth (See Matthew 6:10). It is always all about Him. That is what messes a lot of us up. Your singleness is for His glory and so is your marriage. God loves you and He wants to fully reward you as you and your spouse diligently seek Him (See Hebrews 11:6). This is not a performance-based statement, it is rather the reality of God’s sovereignty, ultimate will and purpose for your lives and the world, His love for you, and His unfailing commitment to His Word despite who is faithful to it or not.

#7 Recognize the fulfillment of God’s promise! This will take prayer, counsel, and the leading of the Spirit, but, this is vitally, important! Even though God wants us to work even in our singleness, when the appointed season comes for marriage, we will know. The Holy Spirit will make it clear that we have met our spouse or that our spouse has entered into our lives. When that time comes, we must be willing to acknowledge who God has sent. We mustn’t be ugly, rude, dismissive, or curt with God’s blessing! We must work, but we must not be blinded by success, our career, busyness or hobbies, etc., that we forfeit God’s promises. The other person will have to be in our life. We can’t let work or the fact that they aren’t “perfect” or perceived to have as much status or money or influence or anything else cause us to dismiss the next stage of God’s purpose that He has divinely ordained and commanded for our lives. We also mustn’t care what others think about what we know God is saying. Again, we are not called to claim who and what isn’t ours, but we are called to yield to God’s leading in our lives and relationships.

#8 Every bit of advice is not good advice! There are several questions we must take into account before we accept advice. Who are the sources your advice is coming from? What have they been through? What scars or bitterness do they carry? Do they ask God for wisdom and pray before making a decision or given an answer? Does the Word of God guide their lives and decision-making? Are they led by the Spirit and seeking God’s face? Are they led by their flesh? Are they even a Christian? Are they swayed by every word on the internet or social media? Are they wild and “free” or are they bitter and think all people will betray them? Are they cynical singles trying to hold you back? Are they jealous or envious of you, your date, or relationship? Are these your “girl friends”, “gal pals” or “boys” or “bros” that can’t get a good relationship, let alone keep one? Are they trying to pull you into their wayward lifestyles? Do they secretly wish they were like you or you were like with them (even as it relates to bad habits and sin)? These are things that must be considered as you seek the advice of people. You must never let your parents or guardians, friends, foes, the internet, social media, celebrities, co-workers, etc. talk you out of God’s blessing whether it pertains to a spouse or anything or anyone else! “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14, KJV), however, it is important to make sure that your counsellors are godly and trustworthy, are hearing from God, and have your best interest in mind. This is what the book of Proverbs exhorts. Even with counsel, you must still pray and keep your eyes and ears open for what God is saying or showing you (even through the signals of someone else’s behavior). God will not keep His will hidden from you and His Spirit will make it clear what to do or not to do; who to be with or not to be with. Just as much as the Holy Spirit knows how to nudge you forward, He also knows how to tell you to stop, reroute, or that you are going the wrong way and that the person you may be interested in isn’t for you at all! Always follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. He always makes Himself clear. Train yourself to listen to and obey His voice. This takes patience (See James 1:4).

               #9 Learn who God says you are and what you are looking for. We also learn from Adam’s story that God gave Eve to Adam after Adam settled down. Once again, God does not cross boundaries.  Jesus is not your “boyfriend” nor is He someone not to pay attention to at all. Knowing this, God created a counterpart specifically designed for Adam. This counterpart was tailor-made to be exactly who Adam needed in His life. It is important to ask yourself “Who am I looking for?”,  “How am I looking?”, and  “What am I looking for?” Are you so thrilled that someone smiled at you, that you don’t even care who, what, or how they are? What are your standards? What are the character traits and qualities you want in a spouse? What are your “do’s”? What are your “don’t’s”? What are your deal breakers? And, just as importantly, what do you need to be to them? What are the struggles that you have that could possibly be a point of contention in your relationship? How do you plan to renew your mind and modify your behavior in these areas? What do you plan to be to them? What are some ways you can problem-solve when disagreements, internal, or external struggles arise? Once you’re married, what do you want your home to feel like? Full of peace, joy, calmness? How do you want to raise your children? Should prayer and reading the Word together be important in your future family? If you want to be married one day, these are things to consider. But, these questions cannot have carnal answers based on your flesh or the world’s way of doing things or out of a spirit of division. The standards that you set should contain personal behavior modification and they should all be based on the Word. Standards are not meant to put demands on others or uphold a victim mindset that says “He/she isn’t treating me a certain way!” or the popular mantra that “all men are dogs” or “women are disloyal”. Nor should these standards affirm that you can behave anyway you please. but, your spouse must be different upholding the “girls just wanna have fun” and “the boys will be boys” attitudes that are so pervasive in society. Standards are meant for you to aim to strive to live in such a way that draws a certain type of godly person to you and for you to look for someone who has made God’s Word the foundation of their life and behavior as well! These questions and others like them that we discussed are not meant to validate your low self-esteem or not aim at God’s best nor are they meant to be carnal and unreasonable. They are meant to help you to understand who God has for you, what you need, and what you need to be based on God’s leading, will, and command for your life to receive all He has for you! Once again, you are responsible for how you behave. “For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” (Galatians 6:5, NLT), so this is not to get you to control another person, rather it is to reveal what is important to you and who you need to be to teceieve that. Learn who God says you are and what you are looking for. But, looking should be based on who God is leading you towards and that will be based on His Word (the Bible) and His specific Word to you! Note: what you want informs who you need to be. You attract what you present, so take the time to decide what you want and who you need to be to receive all God has in store in the fullness of God’s plan for your life!

#10 God is not the god of fantasy! It is also important that we realize thie. Too many of us are caught up in a fairy-tale, music video, or movie scene idea of a relationship. It’s time to put away childish things (See 1 Corinthians 13:11-12)! Girls and boys, boys and girls both fall prey to relational fantasy. In our world, people often think they will never argue with their spouse, their future kids will never do anything disobedient or sinful, and the other person is called to “fill a void” or treat them perfectly and never anger them, annoy them, or commit sin. I am not saying your home is to be filled with violence, deceit, or physically harm. It is not. But, that doesn’t mean they won’t be sarcastic, timid, overly aggressive on certain issues, or insecure because they failed PE in the 6th grade! That is why the Word of God is so important! With our cooperation, God will help us to renew our minds and even use the behavior of others to help us change and grow out of our old, faulty mindsets because, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17, KJV). It is critically important that we renew our minds because it is the very thing we do after salvation that actually manifests (manifest not being a metaphysical statement) the new creature God has created us to be! “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2, NLT).

#11 Not everyone is for you; be led by the Spirit! We also see in the book of Genesis that God pulled Eve from Adam’s side (See Genesis 2:22) for a reason. This goes to show that God has someone called to walk alongside you as you serve Him. Marriage or the thought of marriage is not called to be a “fix-all” where all trouble and problems go away. Marriage is a temporal thing that lasts only during this life time and is meant to reflect God’s image of family that He presents through His roles as the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. When I think of Eve coming from Adam’s side, I think of something side-by-side. I think of agreement and compatibility. This goes to say, that not everyone is for you. Just like my dad always tells me “It only takes one!” You don’t have to sit down and keep your head on the swivel or try and turn heads to find your spouse or get attention. It is critically important to know God is who He says He is, you are who He says you are, what you need, what you want and don’t want, what you will accept and won’t accept, and to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading to shrink down the pool of potentials and to eventually find “the one”. This path will save you a lot of wasted time, energy, money, and effort seeking to please those who are not even for you in the first place! I’m not saying to reject someone if their socks are grey, you don’t like the gum they chew, or because their hair is an inch shorter than what you imagined. I am saying that, based on the leading of the Holy Spirit and your own strengths, struggles, needs, and desires to right out the qualities of a person who bring out the best in you and you in them as you submit to God together. What do you want?

If you want someone who would die for you, Jesus already did that (SeeJohn 3:16). If you are looking for someone to “give you the moon”, God has given you dominion over all creation (Genesis 1:26-28). If you desire a spouse, remember that God has even created the very person you are look for! Who’s bigger, the gift or the Giver? It’s time for you to embrace being one with God. It is one thing to be one with God and another thing to embrace it! Every age is a MERRY-age (“marri-age”, see?) with God. As you submit to being one with God, pray that your spouse does the same thing. Even though none of us can be perfect on earth, it is important that you continue to grow so that when you do meet your spouse, you won’t find your value in each other, but, you will continue to seek God (like we should in our singleness) as you continue to complete His will together. Now, I leave you with some clear, concise, practical action “Identity Work” to apply all that we discussed on our journey, today. I encourage you to use these steps as the Lord directs and remember that He loves and adores you.! God and you are one and He will be with you throughout whatever stage or age you may face! Yes, even through and to end of your singleness and beyond!

Now, Jesus leaves you with these final words:

“...lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.”

—Matthew 20:28, NKJV

Identity Work:

1. Pray that God will give you strategy and help you submit to fully serving Him in His for you daily, even in your singleness (and in your marriage).

2. Get some Scriptures about the character qualities you want to have and confess them over your life once a day (i.e. Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Colossians 3:12-15). Pray that God will help you develop and practice character traits daily as you prepare to meet your spouse and that your spouse would do the same.

3. Create a vision board of (or write down in your phone or a note book) what you want your spouse to be, what kind of spouse you want to be, and the vision for your marriage. Include specifics, images, and/phrases as you see fit. Look at it when you need a reminder.

Bibliography:

1. Holy Bible, King James Version. Public Domain.https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/King-James-Version-KJV-Bible/

2. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-Living-Translation-NLT-Bible/#copy

3. “Genesis 1:26 - the Sixth Day.” Bible Hub, https://biblehub.com/genesis/1-26.htm#lexicon.

4. Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-King-James-Version-NKJV-Bible/#copy