Singleness: Being One with God Pt. 1
In our society today, the goal of having a relationship consumes many people. People seek to find their self-identity and self-worth in even the slightest glance of perceived romantic interest even from passers-by. The consumption, and downright obsession, that seems to control and possess humans today is astonishing and it is not God’s best for us. God said that is was not good for man to be alone (See Genesis 2:18) and has decreed that marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4-6, KJV), however, he doesn’t want us to be tormented in our state of singleness. In fact, God wants us to understand that we are not alone.
First of all, I want to start out by saying, God is not a deviant, and He is not into deviance. As we will be reminded of throughout our journey today, God does not have unnatural relationships with His creation! Jesus never even thought about connecting with the very same females He created, and He certainly doesn’t endorse homosexuality! Jesus was sexually pure in every way, and He wants us to share in His purity through the power of the Holy Spirit and our concrete decision making. God is not into sexual perversion, homosexuality, or deviance at all (See Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 5 & 6), but, still loves and seeks to heal, and change those who have fallen prey to those lifestyles.
Jesus (being God, who is Himself Love) has chosen to give His love to His true bride—the Church. And to be clear, the Church is not a building, it is a title for His people. The Church is not a place, it describes the collection of believers abroad that He loves both intimately individually and as a unit. On earth, despite all that was going around Him, Jesus dismantled the lie of loneliness as it pertained even to His friends in the book of John, chapter sixteen. He says in verse thirty-two, “But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.” (NLT). This is exactly where God wants you and I to be.
When we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, our spirits are united with the Holy Spirit (See 1 Corinthians 6:17), this is the true oneness that brings us the most fulfillment even beyond romantic relationships/marriage. God is inviting us to become intimately connected with Him. There is often a misnomer that we are looking for someone to “complete us” or make us happy, but, the truth is, how could you be more complete than having the God of the universe being one with your very identity? I am not writing to condemn marriage (because it is God designed, God created, and a holy representation of His image as Christ and the church; marriage is a good thing). However, if you want to get married one day, you are not to tormented and agonized over your state of singleness now! God has entrusted me with some truths about singleness and I wanted to share them with you today. It all started in the Garden of Eden…
In the book of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, we see the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit coming into agreement to form man (man being mankind). In chapter one, God announces, “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.” Later, once Adam is formed, we see God take Adam and place him in the Garden in the eastward part of the land of Eden (Genesis 2:8, KJV). Full Disclaimer: although this discussion highlights Adam, these principles are not meant to be gender specific. Whether I am discussing Adam or Eve, you, me, or anyone else, these truths are meant to be applied appropriately to everyone. God is not into favoritism, nor is He into picking sides; He cares about His glory. It was there in the Garden that Adam and lived and served the Lord. However, there is one thing that I’m sure many of us have missed as we have read through this story at the front pages of our Bibles: Besides God, Adam was alone in the garden! Adam was single! Of course, Adam had God to talk to and commune with, but, as for human interaction, we don’t see him receive that until verse twenty-two of chapter two in the book of Genesis! I know there are an infinite amount of lessons we can learn in Adam’s state of singleness and in the start of creation at large because God is far too large for anyone to encapsulate, limit, or to even think of surpassing in knowledge. However, He has chosen to share His heart and offer us some practical principles and discoveries about singleness that He made evident from the beginning.
#1: Adam was single for a season in the garden. We often think about the blissful state Adam experienced as he and Eve spent their time (before the fall, of course) frolicking together in the Garden. We romanticize what it must feel like to be in a state of perfection with the love of your life (which may be reason a why people often yearn for perfection and a relationship and perfection in a relationship today. Maybe, we all desire Eden!). But, before Adam was with Eve, Adam was with God and himself. This is not a clarion call to loneliness and a life of distance from people nor I am trying to justify self-isolation or self-pleasuring. All I am saying is that God allowed Adam to be single for a season. God gave Adam the latitude to grow, to spend time with God, himself, his own thoughts, and even his own environment and duties before a spouse was introduced to him. Let me make something clear, as I said before: God did not want man to be alone. Man being alone is the first thing we see God declaring in creation as “not good” (See Genesis 2:18). However, God allowed Adam a time of preparation, acclimation to his new-found existence, and incubation before He placed him in marriage. Like with Adam, for most people, singleness is not meant to be for forever, but, it is meant to be for a season. Singleness is a time to serve God and learn yourself and surroundings in this season before you decide to commit to a marriage relationship.
#2 Adam was one with God before he ever found Eve. We read a little earlier in this Bible story, that God said He made man in His own image and likeness (Genesis 1:26). The same is true for all who believe in Christ. Once we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, we become one with God and are like Him in our spirits, although we must chose to renew our minds by submitting to His Word to behave like Him. The Bible tells us in First Corinthians that, “… the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.” (6:17, NLT). However, in the book of Genesis, we love to highlight the passage that states, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (2:24, KJV). But, becoming one with a spouse does not take precedence over becoming one with God. God is our first love. He is not jealous about us having human attraction, but, He has a righteous zeal and jealousy about you and I and shall have no other God before Him; not a spouse, marriage, the thought of marriage, your or my physical appearance, etc. (See Exodus 20:3). God desires for us to be one with Him before we introduce another spirit into the mix! After accepting Jesus as your Savior, your spirit becomes one with God. If you are saved, this is true for you and if you are not, I highly encourage you to give your life to Christ and become one spirit with the God of all creation. Once God joins with your spirit, you are united into one and you can trust and believe that there is nothing that can ever separate you from His unconditional, agape love (See Romans 8:38-39). God’s Spirit is who really completes you! He literally joins with your spirit and your spirit become like Him. Your spirits become inseparable, once you place your faith in Jesus! When you are one with God, submit to God, seek God, spend time with God, worship God, pray to God, praise God, etc., He will give you everything you are looking for because your desires will have become His desires as you follow His will an not your own (See Luke 22:42, Psalms 37:4, Philippians 2:13)! God has made everything available to you through the death, burial, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus, all you have to do is walk in it! He has made you whole; all you have to do is receive it by faith! Have enough faith to believe that submitting to God in your singleness will not leave you alone for the rest of your life if the desire of your heart is marriage. God will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6)! As you walk in the Spirit, serve and obey Him, and choose to live a lifestyle of holiness, you will experience this wholeness in your life through the fruit of the Spirit. “…the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” (Galatians 5:22-23)
#3 Adam prepared for the promise. As we already discussed a bit earlier. Adam was cared for by God. God provided food for Adam, gave Adam an environment to live in, and everything Adam needed to thrive. This season of preparation that Adam (and you) are experiencing is not without God’s help. In fact, it is completely and totally orchestrated by God. Just like in Genesis, God has a sequence and timing to everything He creates. The Bible says in the book of Ecclesiastes chapter three and verse one, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” (KJV). The word translated as season in the Hebrew means “an appointed occasion” while the word translated as purpose can also mean “desire” (See #3 in Bibliography). This goes to show that everything in your life (including your singleness), God has an appointed occasion for, including a predestined time for the desires of your heart to be fulfilled (including marriage). Notice that God didn’t form man before He formed land. He didn’t make the birds before He created the sky. And, He did not make Eve before He first shaped and developed Adam. Don’t be discouraged, God has already set the stage, environment, and guidelines for you to meet your spouse. It is your job to walk in His perfect will and trust, submit, and faithfully serve Him regardless of your circumstances and/or relational “status”. Dating and marriage is not a competition. God wants us to patiently endure as we wait on His promises for us. The Bible says, “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (James 1:4, KJV). It is up to you to faithfully endure in gladness and gratitude as you choose to serve and submit to God. “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” (Romans 5:3-5, NLT). To be fair, singleness is not even a problem, because God established it from the beginning. However, it may be a trial if it tests your patience or you don’t have the right perspective about it. You don’t to be afraid to believe that God can carry you through this season or that He has someone for you. “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12, KJV). You don’t have to be afraid that God will not fulfill His promises to you. When we think of hope deferred, it is like saying hope derailed or “misplaced” hope. If hope builds our faith (Hebrews 11:1) then misplacing our hope on negative outcomes and worst-case scenarios produces fear. Hope deferred is fear! “God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?” (Numbers 23:19, KJV). Just like in Genesis, chapters one and two, God is faithful and He has already made your situation “good”. His promise to you is still “good” and I decree and declare you will live and not die to experience that goodness just as He has promised! King David says in Psalm twenty-three, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” (v. 6, KJV). Goodness and mercy follows you forever, even in heaven (given the fact that you are with God and are living with Him forever). It doesn’t start or stop if you’re married or not! Jesus promised, “I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” (John 14:3, KJV). Just like God did for Adam, God has prepared a place for you. God desires that you experience that place and that place is an eternal state of oneness with Him (if you are married or not). God will fulfill His promises to you, but, you don’t have to wait anxiously for them or be obsessed or depressed because you don’t have something you desire or you’re not married. You don’t have to be tormented by the fact that you’re not in a romantic relationship. Be grateful and rejoice in the Lord (what He has done, your oneness with Him, etc.) as God prepares you for what’s next (See Philippians 4:4). And one way to stay patient as you serve Him in this stage and season of singleness in your life is keep busy!
#4 Adam kept busy. Does that mean Adam just did any old thing that came to His mind. Of course not! Adam did what God led Him to do. In Genesis chapter one, verse twenty-eight, we see God giving Adam (and Eve) a command, “…Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” (KJV). So, Adam went to work! Adam worked with what He had been given dominion over. The Bible says, “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:19-20, KJV). But, Adam did not cease to be helpful even though he didn’t have a helper! Adam didn’t try to force a relationship and he wasn’t tormented by the fact that he didn’t have a relationship. Adam didn’t try to create someone, seduce, or lure someone into a relationship. Adam didn’t try to catch the attention of the animals. And Adam didn’t try to get someone to notice him or refuse to serve God until he “got what he wanted”. Adam didn’t have a certain body posture, outfit, or scheme to get a spouse, he had the right heart posture and he submitted to what God placed in his hands. He worked within the reins of what he could control as He waited for God to fulfill his desire of what he couldn’t control. We must be careful not to be so consumed with our next that we are not tending to and serving God in our now. Like we discussed earlier, no one is here to “complete” us. Jesus already did that through His death, burial, and resurrection. True fulfillment comes from God. Jesus shows how we can be like Him when He says, “…My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work.” (John 4:34, NLT). Being who God says you are, spending time with Him, and doing and completing God’s work is the only “food” that can satisfy your and my thirsty and starving hearts and souls. Obeying Him and finishing what He called you to do in singleness, marriage, and in every aspect of life is the only thing that can fulfill you! The nourishment of obedience to God’s will for your life in every season is the only thing that can satisfy your hungry. When we think of the word “FUL-FILLED” (or FULL-FILLED)we can think of it as being filled with God’s fullness. God has given all who believe in Him the fullness of His life and that is not contingent on who you are, what you’ve been through, or who or what you do or do not have in your life currently or at all! When we are FULL-filled we overflow with God’s goodness, love, mercy, joy, peace, longsuffering, etc. and express and share it through us to others (See Psalm 23:5-6, Psalm 16:5, Galatians 5:22-23). You are called to work what God has given you and serve Him before and during your marriage. Not only that; your future spouse is called to do the same thing! As believers, we are all called to serve the Lord with gladness (See Psalm 100:2)! The Bible says, “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 2:23, NLT). It is not about just doing the big things for God, but, consistently and daily living a lifestyle that reflects the character of Christ. It is about worshipping God and spending time with Him not for what you want Him to do for you, but, for who He is. Prayer, praise, worship, and communing with God is a part of your work. You can work willingly for and with God through the power of the Holy Spirit working inside of you if you believe in Jesus Christ. We can clearly see this principle of “keeping busy” through Adam’s submission. But, Adam didn’t just work on what he could control externally, also Adam assumed a certain heart posture internally that allowed him to eventually receive the relationship he desired.
#5 Adam trusted God and “got low”. Before Adam set off to work, God noticed Adam did not have a helper, before Adam ever did! The book of Genesis says in chapter two, verse eighteen, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (KJV). This goes to show that God knows your desires even before you know them and that He is concerned about your life! It also tells us that sometimes God will highlight our desires to make us turn to Him in order for Him to supply it! Does this mean that God is our “Santa Claus” and we are to call Him when we want something on our “list”? It does not. This means that, in our oneness with God, we must be vulnerable and intimately honest with God as we express our righteous desires to Him through prayer and conversation. He already knows what’s in and on your heart and wants to hear you tell Him in humility. After Adam names the animals, God does something amazing. The book of Genesis continues, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” (2:21-22, KJV). First of all, we must acknowledge the fact that Adam fell asleep; meaning he laid down. When you decide to lay down your will, and humbly submit to God, then and only then can God do His best work. When you and I are out of the way, God can finally move. We can work all we want to, but, we can never fabricate what God has for us. Adam worked all that time and still found no helper for him. Your victory in singleness, marriage, and everything else is not trying to posture yourself to finally get someone or something to notice you or fix or fill your aching heart. Your victory in every area of your life is doing the work, but, still trusting God, knowing that your work alone cannot produce blessing in and of itself. Faith without works is dead, but, so is works without faith (See James 4:21-26)! Like Adam, are you willing to get low? How low in humility (which is casting your cares on Christ because He cares for you) are you willing to go to receive all that God has for you (See Philippians 4:6-9, 1 Peter 5:6-7)? Through this account, we also see that Adam didn’t try to be noticed. He didn’t try to interact with those who already had a relationship and he didn’t try to engage with those who were not his type (meaning the plants, animals, etc.). This goes beyond physical appearance, but, into spiritual appearance. You are not called to pull a couple apart or to do everything in your power to get people to notice you that aren’t for you. Adam didn’t try to connect with any of the other creatures he had dominion over! He waited until God supplied someone just right for Him that was made in the image of God as well. He waited for someone that was akin to Him in spirit (which is the Spirit of God). He waited for His type. What spiritual type are you? Finally, it must be noted from this passage in the book of Genesis, that God worked in the dark! God worked while Adam’s eyes were closed and he peacefully slept, trusting God’s care. This means that even when we can’t see what God is doing, we must trust that He is doing something for our good. Adam couldn’t see what God was doing, but, he trusted God enough to be vulnerable to Him, to literally open up to Him, and to let God work on the inside of Him to receive all that God had promised. We are to do the same. Adam didn’t have to watch God work, Adam just knew God was working. When we shut our eyes to what we have in mind, God will open our eyes to what He has in mind. Turn to God and submit to Him!
#6 What Adam wanted was already inside of him. Adam receiving his spouse was not an outside job, but, an inside job! God literally pulled what was inside of Adam, out, to attract his spouse. My dad has shared with me and my family, the concept of living from the inside, out and this is critically important for your life. Knowing who you are now is better than trying to find who you are later. It’s best to receive your spouse after you know who you are. Does this mean to act snotty, rude, arrogant, and prideful in your life or when your spouse finally enters your life at the appointed season? No. It means that it is better to come into a relationship whole and to start on the right foundation. The Bible says that after Adam was sleep, “…he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” (Genesis 2:21-22, KJV). Before Eve was presented to Adam, we see God close up Adam’s wounds and make him whole, first! It is also important to note that when we think of a rib, we think of bones and when we think of bones, we think of structure. For you to meet your spouse and for you to have a successful, blessed relationship, it is important for you be in alignment with who God says you are. It is important that you are disciplined and following His Word for your life. It is important that you believe God is who He says He is and you are who He says you are to receive all He has for you. No one can else (including your spouse) can do that for you! After all, could Eve have even been formed if Adam had not had a rib (structure) in the first place? How could Eve be “bone from his bone” and “flesh from his flesh” if Adam didn’t first realize his own sense of bones, flesh, and spiritually makeup in the first place (See Genesis 2:23)? How could he know his type, if he didn’t even know who he was and how he was made? It is important to be one with God now and to be secure in who He says you are than trying to reverse-engineer your identity, self-perception, and how you see yourself when you and your spouse are getting ready in the morning, making breakfast, getting dressed for work, while bouncing twins on your hip or taking out the trash! You must become sure, hard-as-bone sure in who you are in Christ before you wind up seeking to introduce a whole new layer of life onto the crooked foundation of your poor seld-perception an faulty identity! God is a God of alignment and He wants you to be structured and aligned with who He says you are! God and what He says about you are your foundation! God’s thoughts and confessions over you are always positive, full of blessing and continual, un-ending, never ceasing and innumerable; they cannot be stopped by anything or anyone and they cannot be counted (See Psalm 139:17-18)! Affirmation from man is never more important than the affirmation that God has already given you since before the beginning of time which can be found by reading His Word (The Bible. I would suggest reading Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John to see Jesus’ thoughts toward you and how He walked in His identity. These four books and the Psalms are a great place to start for those who are getting to know God better). Trust and believe that God is who He says He is, you are who He says you are, and that He has blessed you with all spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus (See Ephesians 1:3)!
#7 God gave Adam the desires of his heart. Finally, the time came for Adam to meet his spouse! Once God brought Eve to Adam, we hear Adam make an intriguing remark, ““At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”” (Genesis 2:23, NLT). Adam’s exclamatory phrase, “At Last”, speaks to desire. We never hear Adam complain about not having a spouse, or writing love songs, or anything, but, this phrase reveals that Adam’s desire was already in his heart the entire time! And the important thing to learn from this is that Adam didn’t have to verbalize what He needed for God to understand him — God already knew! I am not saying we shouldn’t pray for what we want nor am I saying that we should “blab it and grab it”. I am saying that we must submit to God, knowing that He is faithful to fulfill His promises toward us. Desiring a spouse is not a sin. Like I said earlier, the first thing in Genesis we see God declared as not good is man’s aloneness (See Genesis 2:18). And these stories we have talked about all happened before the fall of man (before sin. See Genesis 3:1-7), meaning that Adam’s need and desire for a spouse occurred in a state of human perfection, so it is not a sin for us to have that desire! Although, it was true that Adam had a need, the need never consumed him. He patiently waited; he was patient in his passion and allowed God to send him his spouse at the appointed season. God saw Adam’s heart and He sees mine and yours. He will grant you the desire of your heart, just like He did for Adam, but, it will happen in His time. God has not forgotten about you, but, have you forgotten about Him? Are you so consumed with the thought of marriage and your future spouse that you are paralyzed from serving God and (also) setting the foundation for that relationship by having the right self-perception based on the Word of God as well? Like Adam, it is time for you and I to submit to and serve the Lord as we patiently wait for Him to grant this request in our lives. As we know that true fulfillment comes from Him, the desperate, agonizing search for a spouse will melt into a state of peace as we yield to God. We must always remember that we are not serving God to get from God or to be married, but, that we are serving God because we love Him. God will provide all He has promised. Do you trust Him enough to believe and submit to Him? God says to you, “Since I did not spare even my own Son but gave him up for you, won’t I also give you everything else?” (Paraphrase of Romans 8:32, NLT). Believe in and trust Him!
For more one this topic read Singleness: Being One with God Pt. 2
Identity Work:
Write down what type you are (what spiritual attributes you have or want to walk in) and what type your spouse needs to be so you can both further the Kingdom of God together. Pray to God, asking Him to give you clarity in these areas.
Write down how you can serve God now (ie. Loving others, praying in the morning, reading your Bible while you travel, doing school and/or working with excellence, spending time with your family, forgiving someone, etc.). Pray to God, asking Him to give you clarity in these areas.
Implement how you can serve God, by adding the activities you wrote down into your daily schedule, weekly schedule, etc. (ie. praying or reading the Bible) and/or choose to think diferently and make steps to do what you said daily (ie. Loving others, forgiving someone, etc.). Pray to God, thanking Him for helping you change!
Bibliography:
1. Holy Bible, King James Version. Public Domain.https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/King-James-Version-KJV-Bible/
2. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-Living-Translation-NLT-Bible/#copy
3. “Ecclesiastes 3:1 - to Everything There Is a Season.” Bible Hub, https://biblehub.com/ecclesiastes/3-1.htm#lexicon
